This is the third time that my husband left. The first was in 2009, next was in 2011 and then now. Other people said being married to an overseas contract worker is difficult only at first, that I’ll get used to it eventually and that it’ll get easier in time. I greatly and desperately wish that ‘in time’ would come really soon.
The night before my husband left was the hardest. There was a giant ball of fire lodged in my throat and I had difficulty breathing. I knew I had to be strong, if not for myself at least for my kids. But it was so difficult. I pray to God every minute to give me strength to bear it. I simply couldn’t break down, otherwise, my husband would feel even worse that he already did.
The moment my husband was out of sight, I tried my hardest to act normal. I prepared my kids for school, but as soon as they were gone, I lay down and wept.
After crying for hours, I picked myself up and got ready for another day. After all, what is another two years, right?
When my husband wasn’t home yet, we were actually talking about what we should do to spend quality time together. We considered going out of town but it proved to be too expensive and exhausting. Then, we talked about going to the mall, eating out and watching a movie. But even that proved to be tiring. So, we settled for staying at home and watching Korean dramas while holding hands at the sofa.
Among those that we watched already are: My Love from Another Star, The Moon Embracing the Sun, Faith, Master’s Sun, I Can Hear Your Voice and now we’re watching The Heirs. Well, is it obvious that I like Kim Soo Hyun and Lee Min Ho?
Well, yes, I like them… a lot
A few months ago, a box arrived from my sister in Alabama. It’s a package we get every year and it’s one of the special things we look forward to. As usual, my kids got clothes. My son got some cool tees and pants and a nice pair of leather sandal. My daughters got trendy tops and sexy denim shorts, those types that my sister and I have wanted when we were young but that my parents couldn’t afford to buy for us. As for me, I got nice bed sheets with matching pillow cases and tablecloths, as requested. Yes, I am crazy over those stuff, making me feel more homey than I really am. So, my sister doesn’t need to ask what I want when she’s preparing our box, she already knows that I’d be extremely thankful for checkered tablecloths.
Yes, he’s finally come. That explains also why I haven’t been able to update my blogs lately.
It’s been a long time I almost forgot what it feels like to have someone beside me when I sleep at night and to wake up with a familiar face to greet you. Now I realized how difficult it has been for me. I haven’t noticed it, or maybe I simply refused to acknowledge how lonely and burdened I felt during our separation knowing I had no choice but to bear everything.
Life is indeed beautiful. It is difficult, but that only makes it more worth living…
As I posted a couple of months ago, my daughter, Mika, was bitten by our beloved pet Cat, Pippa when she unknowingly rolled over the poor cat on the bed. Naturally, we went to the nearest clinic so Mika could have anti-rabies shots. After that, much as we love Pippa, we knew that we couldn’t keep her in the house any more, lest she bites any one of us again.
By the beginning of the summer vacation, my kids and I left to spend summer in the province. I endorsed Pippa to my brother’s capable hands. As soon as we got back after a month, I noticed that our beloved cat was no longer around. I knew then that she was gone. I hated to admit it but I really miss her. Though sending her away means I no longer have to worry about prescription pet medications, it doesn’t ease the loneliness of losing someone I’ve considered family for 4 years. Wherever you are, Pippa, I hope you’re in good hands..
Yesterday, one of my closest high school friends sent me a text message. It seems like she met up with an ex-boyfriend. I could tell by her messages that she was relieved but regretful. I asked her about it and she said I was right, she had mixed feelings about the meet-up.
She said she had waited for the meet-up for a very long time and the anticipation was filled with anxiety. She had loved the guy for as long as she could remember and for some twist of fate, they had not ended up together. She got married. He got married and they didn’t see each other for quite some while. Until she received a text message from an unlisted number. It seems like the guy took the pains of finding out a way to get in touch with her.
Though unsure whether meeting up with him was a good idea or not, she agreed to it. She said she wanted to know whether the guy still has a power over her.
And so, they met up.
It was just like meeting a long lost friend. She was happy to see him after all this time. She was also extremely relieved to finally know that she could resist his charm now. However, she still feels regretful that they didn’t end up together adding a ‘what-if’ to her growing pile.
So, what could a friend, such as myself, say in a situation like that.. They were probably not meant to be together. But if they are, probably not here and not now…
It’s only been two months but the hot weather seems like going on forever. I chose to ignore it but the fact is that the weather gets in my usual daily activities. For one, I cannot leave the house except very early in the morning and very late in the afternoon. And it isn’t easy to arrange my comings and goings.
What more, noontime is.. impossibly uncomfortable. There seems to be nowhere to go to find even the least of comfort. Taking a bath is the only activity that will keep someone refreshed and we can’t take a bath the whole day. So, we have to savor every single second of it and make it last for as long as possible.
I know it feels like the summer will drag on forever but sooner or later, the rainy season will come and we will enjoy the short transition from the uncomfortably hot nights to uncomfortably flooded days.
But after all is said and done, waking up in the morning is still a great blessing we should be thankful for, and I am..
So, let’s brace ourselves, face the heat head-on and look forward to the colder and wet months ahead..
My friend, Janine* had had a problem with her husband for a very long time. She believes that he has another woman and even though he keeps denying it, even we, can feel that Janine’s suspicions are true. In view of that, the soundest advice I could give her was to either accept the situation and endure the pain of having to share her husband or get out of it and suffer the consequences of a broken marriage.
She chose to keep her marriage. But when his husband, who keeps denying having an affair, started to ignore her, she began to entertain text mates. It seems harmless at first, until she told me that she went out with her textmate, who, I learned was a personal acquaintance of their family, and DID IT. I wanted to berate her but I was wise enough to keep my mouth shut. After all, we’re of the same age. She knew what she was doing when she did it. Still, I warned her. It was the least I could do.
Months went by and her relationship with her husband did not improve. She and her kids already moved out of the house and stayed with her mother. But there was still no formal split up because her husband still denied his affair though a lot of people claimed seeing them together.
Then, one day, a guy we knew from our past came and expressed his undying love to Janine. It seems like he’s been in love with my friend forever but wasn’t given any chance to tell her and so married someone else, but is now separated from his wife. Now that he found Janine again, he considers it the works of fate and that they were meant for each other. So, he courted Janine the most romantic and traditional way and made her feel so special, then went back abroad where he works.
Even from out of the country, the guy continued to court Janine. But based on what I hear from my friend, she wasn’t ready to have an affair with him and my conclusion was that she really didn’t like him though she likes what he did for her and how he made her feel.
Then, two months ago the guy came home from abroad and wished to see Janine. She went out to meet him and DID IT despite the fact that she doesn’t like him.
I have no right to judge my friend or anyone. The least I could do is give advice when it is asked. I told her to keep it together because I feel that she’s losing it.
My friend needs help but she wouldn’t listen to me or to anyone else. I can only pray that she find peace and learn to accept life the way it is..
St. Stephen’s Academy was where I studied in high school. It was June 1987 the first time I set foot in its campus. I was 12 years old. I was still too young to know the significance of that stage in my life, my transition from the little girl I was to the lady I would become.
I didn’t know then, that the four years I would spend in this school would determine the kind of person I would be in the future. I didn’t realize how important this place was to me at the time. All I knew was that it was a place I needed to go to every day, five days a week, ten months a year and for four years.
I didn’t have a way of knowing the things about to happen. The wonderful times I would spend with my friends, my victories, my failures, my disappointments, my frustrations, my broken hearts, from the most to the least significant things, but which would make me what I am today.
Looking back now, I finally acknowledged the role this school had played in my life. And how beautiful the life I lived while studying in my alma mater, the St. Stephen’s Academy.
To all Stephenians, young and old… Salute to all of us!
I spent the Holy Week watching one of my favorite movies of all times, The Passion of the Christ.
As I watch Jesus being scourged at the pillar, I realized how evil men can be. How were they able to hurt another person that way? Even if he wasn’t the Lord and just an ordinary man, how can we inflict such pain and humiliation to another human being? Do we really have it in us? That thirst for blood and that love for violence?
As I cried while I watched Jesus being crucified, I murmured over and over again how sorry I am for committing sins. I know I would sin again as I don’t pretend to be the perfect Christian, it makes me feel better owning the sins I committed and knowing that deep in my heart, I will try my hardest to be the daughter the Lord wants me to be and to be worthy of His love, the greatest love of all..